On becoming vegan

I grew up in a community that was ostracised from mainstream society. Becoming vegan felt like history repeating itself.

I initially became vegan after a long period of ill health. And very quickly realised after saying it out loud (on social media), that I wasn’t a true vegan if I wasn’t doing it for the planet or the animals. I was only allowed to use the term plant-based and I should join the gang of other selfish people who didn’t care about anyone or anything but themselves. At the same time I was trying to convince my friends I was in this for the long haul when I think they presumed I’d only last a few weeks before re-joining them on the dark side.

I shut up and thought about what I’d done.

It wasn’t long before I felt as isolated as I did when I was a teenager. To cope with the agony I ate a lot of cheese in secret then berated myself for the days after.

This spiral continued for a while.

Becoming vegan was emotional. But I was determined (and desperate) to fix all the physical symptoms that had manifested themselves in my body that I consistently tried to ignore. Cutting out animal products was a big part of the equation.

At first being vegan was tough, because everywhere I turned there was the food I’d enjoyed and taken for granted all my life along with the social acceptance that came with it. All I’ve ever wanted in life was to feel accepted and food had been my only way.

I found the vegan world intimidating and it seemed to be split into camps. The militant vegans who would admonish you if you put a foot wrong but were vegan for the planet. The junk-food vegans who were in it for the animals. And the selfish vegans who were doing it for their (our) health. People seemed to have to state their position so they could immediately be judged for it with the omnivores behind you gleefully trying to catch you out. There seemed to be little space to evolve and a lot of annoying voices.

While I became vegan for my health. I stayed vegan for my health the planet and the animals and every day I wish I’d become vegan sooner. I don’t miss anything I used to eat. After a lot of reflection I realised I didn’t ever really like most animal products. I would only ever buy meat skinned/boned and vacuum packed so I couldn’t recognise any features. Eggs could get straight in the bin. Yoghurt was punishment and milk made me gag. Cheese was the one thing I struggled to abstain from. At first.   

These days I no longer accidentally let a four-cheese pizza fall into my mouth but I also don’t have a meltdown if I accidentally consume something that has milk powder or dairy in. I shudder, make the changes and move on. It’s taken years of trial and error to find enough delicious replacements but in some cases there are foods I have accepted I wont enjoy again because the vegan versions are dire. And that’s ok, because some vegan food is repulsive and we need to stop pretending everything is delicious to save face.

Being vegan can be really hard because there’s so much to consider and so much noise. But all I can do is my best and for now that’s good enough.