Vegan Cheese
Staying consistent with the previous reviews I’ve done I’ve painstakingly outlined the best and worst supermarket vegan cheddar like cheeses I tried. If you have neither the time nor inclination to read a review of several flavoured slabs of coconut oil, scroll straight to the end to read my rant and find out the winner, if you can call it that.
If you want to experience a fraction of the pain I endured, read on.
A quick note to say all the cheeses are made from coconut oil, water, modified starch with a variation of other things depending on the brand. I tasted each cheese as straight out of the packet as I would usually, utterly repulsed by the majority of them and then melted a sliver of each on toast under the grill.
Without further ado, here is my cheese review.
THE SLICES
M&S Plant Kitchen
Cost: £2.90 for 9 slices.
Stockist: M&S & Ocado.
Look: Exactly as I would expect a slice of fake cheese to look.
Smell: Inoffensive with only a vague waft of maturity.
What they promise: That they’re mature in style (though the smell suggests otherwise). These were definitely on the milder side.
Does it melt? Yes as coconut oil does.
Taste/Texture: If you haven’t eaten dairy cheese for a while these could trick you into being acceptable.
Overall: If you add a slice to a burger or hide one in amongst more interesting ingredients, you might convince someone with bad taste that they’re eating cheese
Rating: 2/5
Nurishh
Cost: £2.65 for 10 slices.
Stockist: Most major supermarkets.
Look: Like a slice of ham, only orange.
Smell: Like my husband’s morning breath.
What they promise: That their tasty cheddar like cheese will tempt your taste buds and nourish your soul.
Does it melt? Yes and miraculously becomes even more repulsive in the process.
Taste/Texture: Remarkably, worse than it looks and like what I imagine 20-year-old carpet underlay to taste like.
Overall: Vile - this can get straight in the bin.
Rating: 0/5
Cathedral City
Cost: £2.50 for 6 slices.
Stockist: Most large Supermarkets.
Look: Confident enough until you try and prise them apart when they stick stubbornly to each other and crumble at the thought of being separated.
Smell: Shockingly like the mature cheddar I used to enjoy. So surprised was I I went back for another sniff. The most familiar so far and dare I say it, appealing.
What they promise: On the packaging, nothing. Which alone deserves a point.
Does it melt? Yes and excitedly bubbles up under the grill.
Taste/Texture: A bit chalky, a decent bite, a great tang, a little resistance. Good.
Overall: By far the best of the lot and the only one I’ve bought again through choice. And that was only when I couldn’t get my hands on my one true love. While the slices tend to crumble apart instead of separating easily, gently sliding a knife under each solves the problem.
Rating: 3/5
Ilchester
Cost: £2.60 for 8 slices
Stockist: Sainsbury’s
Look: Pretty innoffensive at first glance but looks can be deceiving.
Smell: Like wet foot. An assault on every single one of my senses. The smell was so pungent I recoiled in horror. In disbelief I went in again and still haven’t forgiven myself.
What they promise: That they’re perfect for all recipes. The liars.
Does it melt? Yes and somehow becomes more repulsive than before.
Taste/Texture: I was so blown away by the smell, which still haunts my dreams, the taste is a distant memory.
Overall: Someone developed this on purpose. Hands down the worst vegan cheese I have ever tasted.
Rating: 0/5
Sainsbury’s
Cost: £2.50 for 9 slices
Stockist: Sainbury’s
Look: Anaemic
Smell: I am losing the will to live here.
What they promise: Thankfully nothing because they didn’t deliver.
Does it melt? Yes and becomes relatively creamy despite having no flavour whatsoever.
Taste/Texture: Limp grim nothingness. Don’t waste your money.
Overall: I honestly don’t know why I’ve done this to myself.
Rating: 0/5
THE BLOCKS
Vitalite
Cost: £2.50 for a 200g block
Stockist: Major supermarkets
Look: Like someone melted coconut oil and formed it into a block that looks like feta while asking for our money and laughing at us.
Smell: Like baby sick. Except after a while you grow to like the smell of baby sick.
What they promise: That it’s deliciously creamy and melts to perfection.
Does it melt? Yes. Into a puddle of white, vaguely seasoned coconut oil.
Taste/Texture: Dense, tacky and hideous. I think PVC window frames have more flavour.
Overall: I not having a good time but I can only blame myself.
Rating: 0/5
Violife
Cost: £2.75 for 200g
Stockist: Major supermarkets
Look: Non-descript
Smell: Life feet that have been in shoes, without socks, on a hot day.
What they promise: That it’s epic. It is not epic.
Does it melt? Yes, again because coconut oil.
Taste/Texture: Like rubber. A vague cheese tang but pretty synthetic and not remotely enjoyable. I was still peeling it off my teeth some time later.
Overall: If I dropped it, it would bounce.
Rating: 0/5
Sheese
Cost: £2.50 for 200g
Stockist: Lots of supermarkets and smaller independent stores.
Look: The smallest and most humble looking of the blocks formed into a perfect square.
Smell: Like a hot yoga room at the end of a class.
What they promise: That it’s soy free and melts.
Does it melt? Yes and ended the most cheese like consistency of them all. It wasn’t awful but desperately lacking in flavour. Which is odd because it stinks.
Taste/Texture: The texture was pretty accurate but the smell put me off.
Overall: I didn’t hate it but I wouldn’t go out of my way to buy it again.
Rating: 2/5
Applewood
Cost: £2.30 for 200g
Stockist: Most major supermarkets
Look: Pretty pleased with itself.
Smell: An overwhelmingly synthetic smoked aroma, which could be mistaken for being enticing.
What they promise: That it melts beautifully.
Does it melt? Yes but the flavour as a result is overwhelming so both my nostrils and tastebuds took a battering.
Taste/Texture: Incredibly smokey to taste and unlike any cheese I’ve had before or will eat again. Sadly the texture is like rubber.
Overall: If you want a strongly flavoured inauthentic slab of plastic, this is the fake cheese for you.
Rating: 1/5
Aldi
Cost: £1.99 for 200g
Stockist: Aldi
Look: Pale, average and as bland as it tastes.
Smell: Pretty inoffensive, which given the company it’s in is high praise.
What they promise: Nothing. Just that it’s a coconut oil alternative to a cheddar block.
Does it melt? Yes
Taste/Texture: Like salty rubber.
Overall: I enjoyed my hopes not being raised by false promises. But I wont be buying this again.
Rating: 2/5
To summarise;
Having ADHD means I’m often impulsive and make questionable decisions. Case in point, I just voluntarily ate mouthfuls of fat. Then melted fat on toast. When I made myself a toasted sandwich with the one cheese I could tolerate, what I ate was fat in between bread, coated in more fat. And fried. My arteries screamed at me so I later over-compensated with a mountain of vegetables and some moderate exercise.
The majority of these cheeses are an insult to anyone with a dairy intolerance and to all vegans. And I don’t even like most vegans. I’m presuming whoever signed all these products off was laughing at our expense, assuming we have poor taste and would be happy to make do with such nonsense.
I often feel as vegans we’re supposed to be grateful for any plant-based option there is. I am very grateful we have options at all. But I’m not grateful for things I have to pay for that taste like trash. I would rather do without. Or spend more money and eat less often the cheeses lovingly made by the small businesses that want to give us something that resembles something we used to love. And that has some nutritional value.
The only cheese I tried that I’d recommend is by Cathedral City. This I because I liked a strong mature cheddar and this vaguely resembled one. The others can get in the bin.
Kindaco will always be my go to. The Farmhouse style made from cashews is delicious and the most cheddar like in flavor while the texture is softer. Ellie the founder, single handedly changed my mind about vegan cheese after I ranted about it on Instagram. Several years later I decided to review ten supermarket cheeses just to confirm what I already knew. If you want something with a little extra oomph I Am Nut Ok make a cheddar like cheese coated in paprika for an extra kick. La Fauxmagerie make a smoked cheddar made with almonds.
There is no denying the convenience and cost of nipping into your local Sainbury’s and having an array of vegan cheese options to try that you can take home and grate liberally onto your baked potato. There is no denying the joy and practicality of spending £2 to have that familiar comfort of seeing a substance that you used to love melt before your eyes. But if like me you think they all taste like shit, there are other options out there that wont leave you raging.